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"Crying it Out"

7/16/2013

1 Comment

 
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     No one likes to listen to their baby cry... But a practice that has been very popular the last 25 years is letting babies "cry it out". I posted an article from Psychology Today on my social media outlets today that was shared around facebook and created a little controversy. It was titled "Dangers of Crying it Out, Damaging Children and their Relationships for the Longterm." You can read it here, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out. The first thing I want to say is that anytime as a parent if you are faced with something that you could be possibly doing wrong in regards to your child, the first reaction is to get defensive. It is a very hard thing to come to grasps with, that you may be harming your child. Hey, Ive been there, Im a parent too. I don't always make every right decision either. But when presented with new information, the worst thing you can do is have a closed mind. Because maybe you could possibly learn something from it. I face this often when talking to parents about vaccines. Even when faced with overwhelming evidence, sometimes the mountain that we have been injecting our children with poison is just too hard to climb. Denial is a dangerous thing though, it's what ruins alcoholics lives, bankrupts families, and is always the first and hardest thing to overcome. So never feel bad when you are faced with new information, you never knew, but instead of denial, do a 180, and change from that day forward.
         Sorry, that was really drug out, but I just know how hard it can be as a parent and wanted to touch on that. Here is the bottom line, crying it out is damaging to young infants. You see, when you place a young baby in their crib to cry it out, they literally do not comprehend that you are just in the other room and are coming back. Obviously at a certain age, different with every child, they do start to learn that you will return. But as a young infant, they do not have these capabilities. When the baby is crying they are under extreme duress aka stress. Which means stress hormones are through the roof. Let me ask you a question, do you want your baby developing organs, neurons, and other tissues under stress hormones? Of course not! You want the least amount of stress on your baby, so their development is flawless. When stress hormones are present, this can not be achieved.
      Now that is just talking about what stress can do to a baby physically, lets now touch on what can happen emotionally. The role of stress and anxiety as a young child has been linked to anxiety, depression, relationship problems, and other emotional issues. This is very common with abandoned children, or foster kids coming from broken homes, or homes of neglect and abuse. It is no secret that kids placed in stressful situations can be affected long term. Now every child's different, maybe you child cried once, and after that was fine. But if you baby is crying night after night, they are under stress. That is why personally, my wife and I chose to practice "attachment parenting", and our goal is to make our daughter's childhood as stress free as possible. Some people think, this may cause dependency. It actually creates the exact opposite, it creates very secure children who have no insecurities or trust issues. That cry, is their way of communicating before they are able to speak, it's not just a tantrum.
      I encourage you to do whatever feels natural, if it doesn't feel natural to let your child scream their head off every night until they finally fall asleep because they have given up from exhaustion. Then you might want to try co sleeping, if you are breast feeding, this is also extremely convenient. If it does feel natural to let them cry it out, then keep doing it, but this can lead me in to another topic... Induced labors, c-sections, and the release of the attachment hormone oxytocin. But I'll save that for a different blog, a different day.
     Like all my blogs, if you found typos or run on sentences, that's because I am a doctor and I write these in between patients. Im not a professional blogger. If you would like to get you kids checked to see if they are living as healthy as they possibly can, call our office Adjust. We exam all children for free.

1 Comment
Terri Bettencourt
7/16/2013 10:07:19 am

Hi Austin. I appreciate your thoughts on a crying baby or CIO as you call it.
I am a mother of 5 and a grandmother of 3. I felt like you used a broad brush when it comes to a crying baby. I think a newborn (0-3 months) is adjusting to being out of the womb in those early months. I believe that swaddling, holding or carrying them in one of those baby slings is very comforting. However, it may not stop a baby from crying. God has created a mother to have very strong instincts, intuition as some call it. The first thing a mother does when her infant is crying is to go down her mental checklist. Is baby hungry? Does baby have a dirty diaper? Did baby "burp" after nursing? Does she have a tummy ache because she didn't burp? Is baby tired? If Mother has done all she can do regarding feeding, burping, changing baby's diaper and baby continues to cry, she determines baby is tired. A tired baby can be "fussy". Mother can swaddle or rock her baby and perhaps that will solve the problem. But those things don't guarantee a "content" "quiet" baby. A Mother might want to try and put baby down and wait 10 or 15 minutes and see if baby goes to sleep. Usually this works if in fact baby is tired. If not Mother tries several different options to comfort her baby. There is alot of trial and error in those early months as Mother learns about her baby. And what works for one of her babies might not work for the next.
From 3-6 months a Mother has learned how to distinguish her babies cries. Again she does her mental checklist and determines if there is a reason baby is crying. By this time she has made it a habit to let baby cry for a little bit if all else is taken care of. If it is nap or bed time, baby is trained to be put in the crib, even while being "fussy" and learns to go to sleep or pacifyy herself with a pacifier or just being quiet for a bit if she is not tired. Baby needs to be trained from an early age that although she is deeply loved and cared for by Mommy and Daddy, the household and those in the household are not ruled by baby. We know that baby doesn't comprehend that right now, and that's okay, because we are the parents and we know what's best.
The other concern I had about your blog was that you try to make your daughters life as stress free as possible. It is a parents job to train up children who are independent, selfless, able to cope with difficult situation which WILL come in their lives, responsible, caring and most of all loving. That takes consistent training and more importantly modeling by their parents. The last 25 or 30 years of the "self-esteem" philosophy have just about ruined this current group of young people. So many are not independent but dependent (even believe they are entitled to have this or that for free, or without working for it). So many attend college as long as they can, especially if their parents are footing the whole bill. They are not self-less, but selfish. "I want this, I want that" " instead of "how can I help another" or "what can I contribute (and not expect ANYTHING in return)". They are not able to cope with any difficulty because they have been overly protected by the parents, because their parents do not want them to experience any stress. Their feeling are hurt easily, and all their trouble is everyone else's fault. They have not been taught to work through "stressful" situations, because they have been shielded. They are not responsible because Dad and Mom have taken care of everything. Children must be taught at an early age (2 and up) that they have to take care of their stuff (something as small as putting their toys in the toy box). And lastly so many are not caring or loving. They don't care about others feelings, but are very sensitive when comes to their own. They don't love others, but they demand to be loved and pampered. Sorry to get on my soap box, but I am always little surprised by young people or young parents with one or two small children, who believe they have "wisdom" to offer (wisdom=knowledge applied), when they have just begun to walk through the very difficult maze of parenting. I wished I would have sought more counsel from older experienced parents, but I was young and thought I had all the answers. After all , I had read all the right books :-)

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    Thoughts and opinions shared in this blog are just that, thoughts and opinions. They are not necessarily shared by our medical director or any of our medical staff. They also do not represent the views or opinions of UTSW. By no means should you make medical decisions after reading this blog or any other for that matter. Always consult a licensed medical professional who knows your medical history and condition before making any changes that could impact your health. (Positive or negatively) Any mention of prescription medications in this blog is not to be taken as a recommendation to change or stop the use of a medication prescribed by your doctor. They have met you, we haven't. 

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  • HOME
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